i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
