I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
