she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
