I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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