hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
