bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
