so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
