I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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