i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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