dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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