Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
