I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
