You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
