I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
