I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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