and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
