I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
