btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
