I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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