The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
