did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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