Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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