no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
