you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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