Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
