chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
