Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
