4 words: hood of his car
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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