They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
