his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
