Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so let's talk penis.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
