Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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