I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
