I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
