Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize