omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
