Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize