I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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