By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am naked and annoyed.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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