You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
