I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
