I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
