90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
