I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
BRING THE BAGELS
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize