Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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