I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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