I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
