So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
