tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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