dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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