i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
