mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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