I wish I could punch you in the face.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
