Old men and throwing up are my life now.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
