I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
