why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
