So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
