Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
