I wanna bring you to show and tell
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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