I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
