He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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