Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
