Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
