I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
