White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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