i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
