Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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