yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
