And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
