Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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