I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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