There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
