My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
