All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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