My first STD was from a foam party
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Say something about gay babies.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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