dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think your dad took our porno
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
