does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
