i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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