I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
