What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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