i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
