hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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