Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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