he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
